Art by Alucard’s Spirit
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Part 1: I Just F*cking Sat Down!!
“Ohhh, fuuuuu…” I groaned.
I watched in dismay as the bedroom door slowly swung shut with me on the inside. Dismay turned to shock as I saw the green creature hiding behind it. He had a gleam in his eyes and a broad grin spreading across his wide face.
Froglins. Why did it always have to be froglins?
Seriously, did these guys have a union, or something? Did they plot in chat rooms, compare notes, and take turns kidnapping me?
“We has you now, hooman agent girl,” said a voice behind me. I whirled to see a smaller yellow froglin in a dark space-suit who had hopped up on my bed.
“Hanns up, toad bait!” commanded another in a green suit as he emerged from my closet, aiming a scary looking alien gun at me. Immediately I did as I was told.
“Ahh, Agent Katie,” said the one by the door. His melodious tone sounded smug. “You as all causes of my troubles, I has happiness greatly to have you in my clutching hands.”
Agent girl…toad bait…Katie…these guys knew who I was? That was not good…
“Who…who are you guys…how do you…how do you know me? What do you want?” I twisted back and forth, trying to keep them all in view and determine the greatest threat.
“Pretending not knowledge having of me?” The one in the red suit said. “Insulting to the most. Respecting failure toward your imprisoner! Compensation making shall you after that!” Apparently he was the leader of this trio of pests.
“Uhhh…why do you guys talk so funny?” I asked, a quizzical look on my face. “The last batch of froglins to abduct me were quite well spoken. Not to mention, more polite.”
“Whatevers?” The leader said in a confused tone, his green head tilting to one side. “Oh, copulation!” he cried, and rapped his knuckles against the side of his head. He blinked twice. “I see. It seems my universal translator was not optimally tuned. That better?”
“If you say so,” I replied with a smirk. “I’m still knowledge not has-ing of you.”
“Mock me not, girl. You are in much more trouble than you realize. I have a grudge to settle, and it’s a debt I’ll claim through the repeated use of your human female form.”
I sighed. ‘Just like every other froglin.’ I scowled at him. “Seriously, can’t I just pay the debt through Venmo? CashApp? Oh, wait, let me guess, you old guys still use PayPal.”
“Do not be insulting of the mighty Grime!” the one with the gun screeched. “The Great Chef is of the order that is highest! Deserving of your respect and submission is he!”
I jerked my thumb in his direction. “His translator broken, too?”
“No. That’s Gorman. He just talks like that. The one checking out your ass is Brat.”
“Hi!” chirped the little one. “The Chef gonna make a sweet-sweet dessert with you!”
Waitaminit…’Grime?’ ‘The Chef?’ This guy is Grime? He’s the target of my next mission!
“Wait…you??” I asked the leader incredulously. “You’re the infamous Grime ‘The Chef?’ But…you know me…how…how did you find me?”
“Yes, it is I, Grime the Great. Our meeting is long overdue, Agent Katie. For months I have sought to capture you, and for months you have been tracking me. I know you have gone to great lengths to set a trap for me. I decided to come find you instead.”
I found myself nodding along as he monologued. Grime was an intergalactic hunter gone rogue, ignoring treaties limiting abductions of earth women. He and his crew had far exceeded the limit of his license, taking dozens of extra captives to his home world.
He was also known as ‘The Chef’ for his practice of turning captives into food-themed works of art and tormenting them mercilessly for the amusement of himself and others.
I had been getting closer – I was so confident that he would be brought to justice soon, and no more earth women would suffer at the hands of Grime and his crew. In only two more days, I had a sting operation planned to trap him.
But if he found me here… and knew about the trap…then that meant…
His monologue was still going strong. “…and then after you are writhing helplessly and begging for mercy, my crew and I are going to…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” I interrupted. “The trap…you have already captured my agent?”
“Oh, you mean Natalie?” he snapped, irritated at being interrupted. “Oh yes, she’s already being entertained by the crew of my ship. Here, have a listen.”
He pressed a button on his belt. The sounds of Junior Agent Natalie screeching and begging filled the room. “Oh god no please! I can’t take this, stop! Stop! Not there! Please, not there anymore!!”
“You monster! I’ll…” I cut myself off; anger was just playing into his hands. “Let her go.”
“If you come quietly with us, Agent Katie, we will release her…and let you take her place.”
I grimaced. I owed it to my junior agent to try and rescue her whatever it took, even if it meant sacrificing myself. Going with them was the only chance I had to save us both.
“Fine.” I nodded. “I’ll go quietly. Just promise you’ll stop torturing Natalie.”
“We’ll stop as soon as you arrive to take her place,” Grime countered with a greedy grin. He turned to the little guy bouncing happily on the bed. “Brat, go fetch the restraints!”
“But…but I said I’d go with you quietly!” I stammered. “You don’t need to…”
“Oh I’m sure you will, but the bound transport scene is kinda our tradition…I wouldn’t want to deprive the boys of their fun.”
to be continued…
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