An exceptionally ludicrous follow up story to Daphne and the Squiddly Diddlys: A ridiculous tale
artwork by http://www.callmeplisskin.co.uk/
vignette below image by me
Intrepid and plucky cub reporter Cate Aptive whirled her head around at the sound of her owl Arcturus’ call. He only called out like that when there was danger. Or when he was hungy. Which reminded her. They were all out of freeze-dried mice at home. He got so pissy when he had to settle for the canned variety. For a loyal companion, he could be quite dickish.
Cate could just make out a bluish glow from deep in the cemetary, where Daphne had gone to investigate. As if on cue, she heard a muffled cry from Daphne. Cate dashed through the gate and down the yellow brick pathway.
She had only taken a few dozen steps when Arcturus appeared in front of her. He hovered beside her, fluttering his wings in midair before her, desperately trying to stop her from going to Daphne. Arcturus didn’t want to lose both of his food-providers in one night.
“Hoot!” he said urgently. “Hoo-hoot, hoo-hoot hoot.”
“What are you trying to say, Arcturus?” Cate asked him. “Daphne’s in trouble? I should go help? Ok!” She started down the path again.
Arcturus quickly moved to block the pathway. “Hoo-Hoot!” he said more insistently.
“What? I should stay off the path and cut across the grass? Good idea!”
While Cate rushed off, Arcturus landed on a tombstone and turned his head 180 degrees. Now, everyone knows owls can turn their head around backwards. What most people don’t know is that they do it so you don’t see them rolling their eyes at you. At the moment Arcturus was rolling his eyes and crossing them as his head dangerously passed 270 degrees.
Meanwhile, Cate tiptoed across the grass, slowly approaching the light. Arcturus soon joined her, following from tree to tree, giving her soft hoots she chose to interpret as encouragement. She was grateful he had her back.
Cate crouched behind a large tombstone and peeked over the top like a prairie dog wearing a fedora. There, her eyes took in a sight her brain tried to refuse to acknowledge.
Cate gasped as she saw her roomate, intrepid and plucky amateur detective Daphne Amsel, lying on the ground. Her wrists and ankles were tied together with an irridescent greenish rope. A creature was pulling her wrists back into a tight hogtie, while another creature held her upper body still.
Curiously, Cate then had mental visions of a few different versions of the scene: one in which Daphne was stripped to her underwear, and another where she was completely naked. Cate shook her head to clear her thoughts. The base version was creepy enough.
“See! I was right!” she whispered to Arcturus. “I told Daphne that legendary Squiddly Diddlys were responsible for the missing girls. But nooooo, she said they were an urban legend! Who’s the ditzy blonde now, huh?”
Acturus gave her a look that said “still you, babe,” but Cate failed to notice.
The creatures rolled Daphne over and leaned her up against a tombstone. Cate heard Daphne ask, “what are you going to do with me?”
One Squiddly put his fingertip on her head and his eyes glowed brighter.
“OHHH! Oh no! Please, not that! Daphne cried out. A horrible look of horror crossed her face.
Seeing her friend in apparent terror caused Cate to act without thinking, as she often did. She jumped to her feet and yelled, “Hey! Stop hurting her!” Too late, she realized that she gave her hiding place away as the Squiddlys turned toward her.
Arcturus raised his foot to his forehead and shook his head in a classic owl ‘face-talon’ gesture.
Daphne looked up and saw her, too. “Cate! Run!”
The other Squiddly’s eyes flared a bright yellow, and Cate found herself frozen in place despite her intense desire to flee. It was as if her brain was telling her muscles to move, but her muscles were saying “nah, we’re good. Chillin’ here.”
Cate could only watch in fear, warily aware of her vulnerability as the Squiddly Diddly waddled over to her, as squids with legs do. His eyes glowed again, and her hands flew behind her back, wrists pinned together with palms facing each other. The Squiddly produced more irridescent green rope and began to wrap her wrists with it.
Cate wondered why he didn’t use his glowing eye trick to make the alien rope bind her, but she figured he had his Reasons. When he had her wrists secured, he made a gurgling sound and tugged at her wrist. Suddenly she could move her legs, and he began nudging her forward toward Daphne.
Arcturus, meanwhile, resumed his observation post in the bare tree. He struggled internally with the decision whether to help somehow, or whether to go snatch that rodent he could hear rustling in the tall grass behind him.
“Daphne! What are they going to do with us? What did you see?” Cate called out as she was brought to the open spot where Daphne lay.
Before Daphne could answer, one of the Squiddlys spoke: “I’ll show you, too,” he said in relatively clear English.
“Dammit, Larry!” the other Squiddly whined at him. “We agreed no talking!”
“Yeah, Karl? Well, we also agreed you’d keep your foot fetish to yourself, but I saw you tickling her toes with your tentacle.”
Cate and Daphne’s shock at hearing their voices was interrupted as the Squiddlys used their mental telepathy to project the same visual image into both their brains at once.
Cate was seated in a chair high off the ground. Her wrists were tied to the armrests with the same irridescent green rope. Ropes around her chest held her tightly to the back of the seat. Her ankles were tied apart to the legs of the chair, but her knees were tied together. Despite the stress on her knees, Cate was grateful because her clenched thighs protected her modesty—as she realized she was completely naked!
Looking up, she saw Daphne seated facing her about 30 feet away, identically bound to an identical high chair and identically naked. ‘Damn,’ Cate thought. ‘Her abs are much more ripped than mine. But I’ve got bigger boobs.” Cate smiled, thinking she’d take that trade any day.
While Cate gloated, Daphne was taking in the vision around them. Between them stretched a net made of the same green rope.
“Wait!” Daphne said aloud. “Is this a volleyball game?” The vision disappeared as she spoke.
“Yes!” replied Karl. “We need human girls to be the umpires for the All-Eldritch Interdimensional Volleyball Tournament.”
“Umpires? Really? That’s all you want us for?” Daphne was equal parts incredulous and confused. If any disappointment crept into her voice, it was purely subconscious. She hoped.
“Yep,” he replied. “No extra-dimensional beings can be trusted to keep to the rules or to be impartial. So we use simpleminded humans who are not capable of complex deception. And Earth Girls Are Easy.” He paused until he saw Daphne’s indignant look. “To catch,” he added.
“Ok, so why are we naked in the umpire chairs?” Cate asked, clearly puzzled.
“Oh, that’s easy,” Larry cut in. “Only organic materials can travel through an interdimensional portal. So we have to strip you before we cross over.”
“Then how did you come through the portal with those clothes on?” Daphne asked with skepticism in her voice.
“Ummm….” began Larry. He looked stumped, in a way that only a squid-faced creature can.
“They’re made of hemp. Interdimensional hemp.” interjected Karl too quickly.
“Yeah, that!” agreed Larry. But if it makes you more comfortable, we can strip, too.”
“NO!” cried both girls in unison.
“Ha-ha-ha,” came Arcturus’s voice from the tree. “Ahem…um…Hoot.” he followed up.
“Ok, so why can’t you give us clothes when we get there?” asked Daphne.
“We can’t…because…because REASONS, dammit!” Karl replied, exasperated. “Larry, I think it’s time to gag these two.” Two more short lengths of green rope appeared; they were tucked between the girls’ teeth and knotted off behind their heads. Then the Squiddlys set about to stripping the clothes from the girls to prepare them for interdimensional travel—just in case the clothing thing was true.
Karl began unrolling a long net on the grass, the same green knotted rope net from the visions of the volleyball court. He and Larry placed Cate and Daphne on opposite ends of the net, and then began rolling their naked bodies up in the net, working toward each other at the center.
After both girls were rolled up in a few layers their bodies met in the middle, face to face. Karl and Larry wrapped a few more lengths of rope around them tightly to keep them from unrolling during the bumpy ride.
Larry had to admit, he liked the way the girls’ skin poked through the snug squares of the net. He especially liked the way their breasts were smooshed together, as well as their hips and thighs.
Karl, meanwhile, was focused on their bare feet sticking through the netting on the other sides.
Cate and Daphne laid there exchanging awkward glances, trying not to think about their naked bodies pressed so close together. Or how close together their gagged lips were. Nope, nope, not thinking about it at all, they told themselves. They also tried not to think about their boyfriends high-fiving each other if they had the unbelievable fortune to witness this moment.
Arcturus shifted uncomfortably on his perch. He, too, was having some awkward sensations growing between his little owl legs. He was conflicted. He wanted to be cold and indifferent. But the scene before him was so freakin’ HOT!
Whether he genuinely felt compassion for Cate and Daphne, or whether he was just concerned about his supply of freeze dried mice, or whether he wanted to keep enjoying the sexy scene before him—well, we may never know. What is known is that he finally decided to act.
Arcturus swooped down and landed on Daphne’s hip. She mmmphed and wriggled as his talons scratched her in a not-unpleasant way. Cate, who had closed her eyes and let her attention wander, responded to Daphne’s wriggle and mmmmph with a shimmy and sigh of her own.
Arcturus, distracted by the girls’ escalating reactions, completely forgot why he swooped down. He stood there mesmerized.
Fortunately for Arcturus and the girls, Squiddly Diddlys were insanely afraid of owls. During their previous nighttime forays onto Earth they had encountered owls and found them to be quite dickish creatures.
The Squiddly Diddlys dropped everything and sprinted for the portal, diving into it head-first and abruptly closing it behind them. The light disappeared, the wind stopped, and the night itself could finally exhale.
Arcturus was not sure at first what had happened, nor what to do next. The girls continued wriggling and mewing with their eyes closed beneath him and didn’t seem to notice the immediate danger had passed yet.
Arcturus thought wise owl thoughts about what to do for a while. Then, being the exceptionally dickish little owl he was, he began thinking more dastardly thoughts. “Yessss, yesssssss…” he thought. “I know what to do.”
He hopped over to where Daphne’s belongings were scattered on the ground, and picked up her camera. Fluttering around and above Cate and Daphne, he took dozens of shots of their intimate activity from a variety of angles. Their boyfriends, Jerry and Tony, would reward him handsomely for these images. If not, there was this kid named Klaw who would buy them.
After some time, and all of Daphne’s film supply was exhausted, the girls finally began to stir from their blissful interlude. When they realized the Squiddlys were gone, they assumed Arcturus had saved them—just like they knew he would! They mmmph’ed their gratitude and thanks toward him.
“Hot hootin’ damn,” the exceptionally dickish owl said to himself as he began to peck at the girls’ knots with his beak. “I’m a freakin’ hero. I’m thinkin’ I’ll be having all the freeze-dried mouse snacks I can eat, for life!”
And so fortunately for all of us, Cate and Daphne (and Arcturus) went on to have many more misadventures together.